To give you all a taste of the holiday fever beginning to spread in the office, I'm sharing some of the silliness to keep you laughing (point 2 is especially for Valentin):
HOLIDAY GUIDE - How To Survive A Shark Attack (Very Handy)
1: Don't swim in the ocean.
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known as oceans.
The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty.
2: Listen out for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvelous documentary
film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the 'daah-da, daah-da' chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets
closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect.
3: Swim with fat people.
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions.
If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.
4: Don't go into the water without a knife.
This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the decoy) closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the
'decoy' is bleeding profusely.....swim for your freekin life.
And finally.....
5: Don't panic.
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This really won't help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling
After a long absence from my blog - which happened for a number of reasons, mostly because I don't want to sit in front of a computer when I get home from work - I'm back!
It's been an interesting few months - with office moves, employees resigning and new employees arriving, load -shedding (the dreaded), Christmas parties and appraisals...
I'm on leave next week and will have some time to reflect on my year at work. Look for me then... until that time, don't get eaten by any sharks!
This blog reflects on life at work at comments on the latest news that shapes my 9-5 working day in a Corporate Communications consultancy.
About Me
- Susan Arthur
- I am a born and bred South African who has always loved to read and write. As a child my mother used to read to me and my siblings, from classics like the “Lord of the Rings” but later also from her own stories. She would write children’s stories and then use us as her test audience, but I loved to hear what she had written long after my siblings had tired of it. So I grew up in an environment of reading and writing, which inspired my love of these things. I hope to write a great book some day, and have learnt first hand the determination and will that it takes. My love of English inspired me to continue my study of it at university. I majored in Law and English in a BA degree at UCT where I found that I took to English much more than law. I enjoyed learning about South Africa’s history and the development of our liberal Constitution, which increasingly made me committed to the hope this country has for the future. Ideally, I’d like to find myself in a job where I am able to write; that allows a good mix of time spent with people and being able to work on my own.
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
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1 comment:
Thanks for the insights, Susan!
I particularly like the reference of the music chords to the shark attack!
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